The Southern Fried Rican:

What’s up Stud-muffins! Can I spread some butter on you? hee hee. Anyway guys, been a while since last I wrote, just finished the latest show and thought I’d drop some feedback. #1 Matt were you saying vato or pato? Pretty sure it’s vato. Note to all your listeners: Puerto Ricans and Mexicans are not the same thing! Neither are Cubans, Ecuadorians, Guatemalans, etc. etc. Which brings us to the race issue.

Like you both of you said, attraction is attraction. What ever floats your boat. Not everyone is going to like what you like nor what you think they should like. So calling someone a racist because they don’t want to fuck you?….. come on get serious. Like Matt, I’ve been with men of various ethnicity and cultural backgrounds. It all depends on if you’re both attracted to each other and if he has a reaaaaaaalllllllllllyyyyyyyy nice dick! LOL But my main attraction is to white men. That’s just my preference.

But in Todd’s defense, in the real world that we live in today racism is alive and well in America. ALL AMERICA. And it flows in every direction to every other direction. And it doesn’t matter if you’re straight, gay, rich, poor, blue collar, white collar; it has to be a personal choice not to be racist and to judge every human being on their own merits as a person and not on the color of the skin, where they came from, what they drive, what clothes they were, or how much money is in their bank account.

And unfortunately, in the Gay world you will find many men who are openly racist, shallow, ageist, and materialistic. We who try to include every letter in the alphabet into our name, in 2009 still segregate ourselves into further subgroups. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen posts that say “white only” or even black guys who post “white only” as well. I used to get mad but then it hit me WTF, their loss not mine. Then I even got more zen in my life, and I just figured hey that’s their own personal preference no big deal. Some people just like ordering the same thing off the menu every time. Where as me, I like to try EVERY dish. Some, I just like more than others.

Speaking of, the other night I hooked up with Gandhi! Seriously, it was this Asian Indian guy who looked just like Gandhi. Shaved head, small glasses, short, and thin. Part of me felt as if I was being sacrilegious, the other part of me said hell ya, you’re fucking Gandhi! And he gave me peaceful resistance! It was hot as hell! He definitely ATE me like he had been on a hunger strike!

Along those lines, have either of you ever slept with a guy who could have been a celebrity look-a-like? Other than Gandhi the other night, I used to have a FB several years ago that could have been Garth Brooks twin! It was beyond hot as hell! We always fooled around with the lights off but with the blinds open so that there was this soft, mood day light and in that light it was like I was actually having Garth Brooks suck me off and then get on his back to have me fuck the living shit out of him. I always wondered what became of him….

Anyway, Peace and Love to you both.

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Scott Daddy

Thanks, guys. I always expect a fun and sexy podcast from you, but your recent discussion about racism was an interesting surprise. (Gotta admit that I was amused by Weegie sounding so guilty and defensive as a California guy… I think I might qualify for a toaster oven if I can convert him to Judaism, and it sounds like he’s already halfway there!)

Anyway, I think you nailed a lot of points head on:

1.) You cannot define someone as racist based on their personal taste.

In these uber politically correct times, we may need to respect everyone equally as a human being, but that doesn’t mean we have to WANT everyone equally. Our own distinct and individual sexual orientation dictates what turns us on. If someone argues that being gay is sexual orientation, not sexual preference, because you don’t CHOOSE to be attracted to men, then the same argument applies to WHAT men we are attracted to. And people are dynamic, not prone to follow hard rules. I know guys who are not into black men at all, but who would give up their left nut for the hunky black star of Criminal Minds. Sometimes our big head doesn’t dictate physical response; hormones and chemistry and context can change the rules on us. That’s all part of the game.

2.) Porn is an industry.

Porn is about fantasy, and the companies that sell them are selling fantasies. The more common a fantasy, the larger the market and the more money will be invested to tap that market. No industry profits from racism; it profits from knowing its market and serving them what they want. Maybe the gay community at large is racist. Maybe not. But if there was a big demand for multiracial videos and the consumer dollars to meet that demand, you can be sure that the videos would be out there. (Hence the huge market for bareback sex flicks.) If folks who are into people of color are not willing to pay to watch it, why should porn companies spend their money to produce, distribute and promote hardcore Benneton commercials that won’t sell?

Personally I tend to prefer Xtube and LifeOut over porn, because I enjoy watching regular guys who enjoy playing around and who enjoy being watched while doing it. Although I can certainly appreciate a beautiful face or a hot body (and rarely would I kick one out of the sling), I’m wired in such a way that I’m actually more into people who aren’t perfect. Flaws are hot, because they make people real. I want to see real people making real connections and having real fun– not guys who are out for buck or narcists who are only in it for their own vain glory. If I want to watch pretty boys naked, I can do that for free at the gym.

3.) Thugs.

If we can accept that porn is about fantasy, and fantasies are about archetypes (which is basically a stereotype on a larger scale… lol), doesn’t it make sense that black porn has followed this route? You make joking reference to a B-video black actor who was somewhat effiminate… but what are the larger roles that we have that celebrate black men’s strength and masculinity? Not a hell of a lot– this is a social issue, not a porn issue. Porn just reflects our society at large. A great deal of porn is about celebrating being a man and what can be done with and to a man’s body. White guys have lots of socially accepted archetypes that they can fall into in regards to masculinity and power, depending on socioeconomic class (if you like white guys with money and power then you want Daddies and executives in their power suits; if you want raw animal power then you’re more inclined to go with construction worker, auto mechanic); if you want danger and brutality then you want street thug (that’s not reserved for blacks– hell, Joe Oppidesano’s photography is some of the hottest stuff around, and most of his images are of men that are downright sexy hot but scary). The sad truth is that thug culture has been widely embraced because it’s one predominant way that blacks have seen themselves as being able to stake a claim to power (not just in porn, but in our culture at large). A man with a bad attitude and a weapon wields power, he has strength… not unlike those men with the superhuman dongs in the movies. Is that racist and offensive? Maybe…. but it’s reality.

Nerdy Jewish accountants and cuddly small-dicked black men may each have a niche market, but they’re never going to be superstars. Get over it. It’s easy for people to whine about what they want but don’t see readily offered to them. And it’s FAR too easy to play the race card. But don’t blame the industry for giving paying consumers what they want. Sometimes it’s the people who are NOT paying that shape our landscape.

Anyway, sorry to have bored ya… but at least ya know I’m listening. Now do what I say and sit right down on this tent pole!
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Kalvin:

I don’t think you’ll be surprised to see my commenting. First off, the initial tone was really problematic for me. Playing the race card is not always unjustified. Maybe you didn’t like the way it was presented, but that was how the show was coming off to that person. It doesn’t necessarily mean that this was an objective valuation (which would probably be skewed towards a white majority), but it was someone’s personal experience. As far as, I don’t want to hear about race anymore, I think that is precisely the wrong thing to say. Just imagine how other people don’t want to hear about the gays anymore or how they are always flaunting everything. It’s true that Black gay men may not be very numerous in organizations but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is their fault. Most likely there are issues on both sides. And what we need precisely is dialogue, not a shutting down of discussion. I know Matt is probably fuming at this point saying that you guys did discuss things, and I do appreciate that. I’m just saying that I think
it’s helpful to not just cast blame back and forth, but work more on what can be done. There was a lot of justification which seemed more like a counter attack than an explanation of feelings. Which is also understandable as most people don’t like to be called racists or to think that it might have been insinuated that they are racist.

I think that unfortunately, in many ways Eric Holder was right. We are cowards when it comes time to talk meaningfully about race. Most likely because we all have some biases, even if we don’t want them. The key is to figure them out and work them out, and if we simply declare there is no racism, that is just like adopting Justice Scalia’s “we’re all one race in this country, and that is American.”

I appreciated the discussion about black men being fetishized, but all men are objectified and fetishized in porn. Porn isn’t about creating some emotional connection with the object on the screen. Matt is right about the covers on movies, but that simply has to do with marketing. It’s about what sells mainstream. Just like you don’t see guys without six-packs on the covers of mainstream porn films. It’s about casting the widest net if you’re not catering to a niche market. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, it’s just how it is.

I also think it’s mistake to say that there is never any racism at play in sexual preferences. I think it behooves all of us to take a close examination of our past and to really examine what we don’t like when it comes to race and sexual preference. I think by a similar token it’s ridiculous that most fetish people say that you shouldn’t wonder at all why you are that way. Hell, I’m sure every gay man out there has wondered and most likely still wonders, “why am I gay”? It’s a part of belonging to the other.

I liked a lot of the discussion, and Matt (sorry Weegie!) I think you did a good job at moderating the tone. Being Californian is not about ignoring race. That’s Scalia’s job in Washington. Celebrating diversity is talking about it. The black community also has issues with homophobia (as do many communities), and how can we expect them to talk about it, if we aren’t willing to do the same about race in our own community?

Let’s drop the blame and shame and anger. I still do things that are sometimes “racist” unintentionally, but rather than ignore it, I would rather confront it and work on it. Black people can be racist just like gay people can be homophobic. I sound like a broken record at this point, but I think it’s about becoming aware of ourselves, and opening ourselves up to other points of view and allowing change to happen by being supportive across the aisle because we all have work to do.
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Todd

Thank you Kalvin. I waited to respond until I stopped fuming over Weegie’s dismissive tone and could explain my point of view reasonably, but in the meantime you picked up on MUCH of what I was thinking and articulated it wonderfully!

Matt, he’s right, everyone in porn is fetishized. I think you mean stereotyped rather than fetishized. And exploring that will open a whole can of whuppass you and Weegie seem to want to avoid. But my basic reason for my comments had to to with the absence of any commentary on any Black porn or black porn actors. Now mind you, I admit I haven’t been listening for a REAL long time, maybe a year, and so maybe you two had approached this issue before and I just didn’t hear it, but I just found it galling that you big porn experts can quote who was in a scene from a movie from 1988 but when it comes to a perennial ont he Black Gay scene like Bam, it was “Who”
I would as if I said, “so this group the, um, beatles is supposed to be pretty popular”
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Jay in CT

I am Black and there is no mistaking that. Who cares? I don’t walk around constantly reminding myself or others that I am Black. Frankly, I don’t think about it even when I see myself in the mirror. Aren’t we passed that? We can’t forget slavery, how we climbed out of it, and how we got here or else we’ll be doomed to repeat it. Let’s focus on the character of the person and what kind of deeds we do in life. I find I am attracted to strong men regardless of color. I want a man to hold me and touch me. I want to bend a man over the footboard of my bed and give and receive pleasure. When I’m on my knees with my mouth open and he is face fucking me with one hand behind my head, my eyes are usually closed and he has no color. I’m thinking about the pleasure we’re getting and giving to each other. Who cares if he is Black, Latino, Canadian, Pacific Islander or anything. When the lights are out, aren’t we all the same? I predict one day someone will make a pill or a drink that will make us all the same. I bet someone else will come up with something that will segregate people anyway. I think that is the sad commentary about this world. We want to create things to make some segment of the population “better” than another.

By the way, Bobby Blake is totally verbal, hot, and I LOVE it when he talks while pounding away! I am also in love with Paul Carrigan. I would just die to have those two together.

My two cents.

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Bill:

You were talking about black and white in gay porn a few shows ago. Of the mainstream studios it seems that Chi Chi is employing more frat boy looking black studs than anyone else. The Blackballed series is producing a few stars, Eddie Diaz, Aron Ridge, Kamrun, and Marc Williams to name a few that also turn up in other titles. Jack Simmons I believe is the old hand you were talking about being everywhere awhile back.Eddie Diaz was stellar bottoming for Chad Hunt the Link series.

My own experiences with black men at one time had me labeled as a “snow queen” or more rudely “dinge queen” by the bitchier of my acquaintances.

Let me tell you about one new years eve in the nineties. I had a date to meet up with my then boyfriend and my younger brother (also gay) and a few of his friends at my favorite bar. The Crossover, sadly no longer in existence, was located on the North Side of Pittsburgh in and industrial/mostly black residential area. At the time there was a lot of violence associated with the neighborhood and the bar provided its own street security. The main bar was carved out of the basement of an 19th century mansion and was a bit dungeon-ish with lots of dark corners for whatever you could use a dark corner for rough stone walls and archways separating poolroom from dance room and etc.

I arrived slightly after eleven pm and was having a libation and chatting with Dave the bartender, The crowd was rapidly building when Joey, the bar back came by with a tray full of empties and didn’t say “Hi”, Unusual. I cornered him and he told me that my boyfriend and brother had hooked up before I had arrived and had took off together.

Pissed, I went back to my place at the bar and ordered an “over-the-rainbow” cocktail that included an ounce of just about every thing and Midouri blended with ice in a 20 oz beaker. It tasted like fruit punch and put most people under the table after two sips.

The man next to me asked me if I really wanted to waste my new years drinking that.

He was, I could only guess, about 40, handsome features, and cafe mocha in color. He was elegantly dressed for the venue where Levi’s and t-shirts were the drag.

“I couldn’t help but overhear, but I have something much better than that garbage drink you’ve ordered.” He told me and he produced a vial of white powder.

“Care to join me?”

I didn’t do coke at the time and still don’t really, but I did that night. He ordered some champagne and we sipped and tooted until midnight. The countdown from “Re-light my Fire” by Dan Hartman blared over the sound system and announced midnight.My companion pulled me to him and kissed me. My head was spinning and I just went with it. We continued long after the rest of the party was back to dancing and drinking.

He gave me a few more toots and the next thing I knew I was being led out of the bar across the street and into the neighborhood. I vaguely heard friends that worked security calling me to come back but I just kept walking with my new friend. He lived about a half a block from the bar and the house was dark and quiet as we entered. “Everyone’s away,” he told me as he led me toward the back of the house. We entered a bedroom with a huge bed in the center. “the bathrooms through there” he pointed the way, “we added this on a few years ago.”

I headed for the bathroom and he followed. It was my first encounter with a bidet and he patiently instructed me in how to use it. When I was “freshened up” and naked he led me to the bed. There was a little more coke and and a little more wine and a whole lotta him fucking my ass. He was shorter than me but he had the biggest cock I’d ever taken up to that point and the strength and technique that twisted me into whatever position he wanted. I passed out with him still pounding away at my hole and must have slept for 10 hours before being awakened my him re-entering me. We were spooned under his satin sheet and he was barely moving his hips. I closed my eyes and sighed.

“who are you?” a small voiced asked. My eyes flew open and staring at us was a boy, maybe 8 at the most,

“Are you a friend of our daddy’s?” came another question from the foot of the bed. In all there were 6 young black kids ranging from 6 to 14 surrounding the bed and staring at us while under the sheets I was still holding their daddy tight in my butt hole.

While the older boys started hustling the younger kids out of the room, I heard one of them say, “Is he why Momma moved out?”

“I forgot I had the kids today, You mind making some breakfast?” he asked me as he pumped his morning load inside me. I was mortified. I grabbed my clothes and ran out the door back to the bar parking lot.

I like to think that I no more objectify black men for being black than they do me for being white. To say it doesn’t matter is crap it does. I’m not saying that this experience couldn’t have happened had he been white, but it seems unlikely. That it happened at all no matter what the color of the participants is I think, unique. That it opened my eyes to the possibilities of interracial relationships causing me to look differently at black men is a fact. It also opened me up to having sex with shorter men and men with children. The WE built this and toys laying around in the hallway should have alerted me to what was going on with him. The fact that the kids accepted their father’s friend was crazy to me at the time. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have run away. I saw him several times afterward, but he couldn’t get over my running out and I couldn’t reconcile myself to getting caught by the kids.
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Daniel:

Race is always a difficult subject to discuss. That being said I didn’t think they were justifying their position at all, more so defending it. They haven’t done anything wrong in my opinion, and the initial tone I think was more their frustration at the fact that they were having to defend themselves at all. That reply was meant for the first comment, my mistake. Moving along I think we can all agree Matt and Weegie are two great guys just trying to put out a podcast that brings a little light and humor into our daily lives. Maybe they don’t discuss black porn stars as much as some of you would like, but the fact of the matter is that they don’t discuss only white porn stars either. Like they said they talk about whatever they happen to come across. I’ve commented and called a few times and every single time I had a question or comment they answered it. Maybe if more people made suggestions about what they would like to hear on the show, rather then accusations about what they’re NOT hearing, they would start hearing what they want. For what it’s worth I think you guys are awesome and I really appreciate your hard work!! The podcast is awesome. Period. *hugs*
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Joe From Dallas:

Listening to the latest episode and wanted to add a few cents to the conversation.
You are absolutely right. People should be allowed a pass as far as who they are atracted to because the mind and body wants what the mind and body wants. Otherwise, you would buy into the cultural and societal standard that is straight sex. I say that as a Black man who has dated and or had sex with men of every color and has been in love with my White partner for almost 13 years.

Still, we would be fools to believe that societal influences don’t have some part in who and what we find attractive. Gay porn has ALWAYS held the White male form as the ideal. That said, it seems that anyone interested in porn would become enamored with and idolize the men highlighted in the porn. Hot studs, hot sex = more money = more of the same. Directors promoted the men they wanted to see have sex and if you had the trifecta of hot look, big cock, and charisma, you made a star. That directors found white or white-looking models to become their stars just seemed to be a fait au complit. Black or Latin models seemed to be ghettoized into the fantasy porn where they were either fucking only other men of color or brought in as deviant porn or special porn equivalent to leather or spanking, something that was fetishized and not normal. Worse, we seem to have bought into it. Rather than produce films where we control the imagery and present images less stereotypical, we opt for the easy way and produce the stuff we assume will sell. Rarely was it two men seen as equal in the scene. That’s kinda why I like the videos of Michael Lucas, Chi Chi LaRue, and Black Scorpion. They don’t just have Black models just as thugs or rapists or solely fetishized icons, but characters equal to the other actors in the scenes. Just hot men.

I listened to the rest of the show and I agreed, mostly with what you had to say. I don’t get the impression that you are racist at all and tagging you as racist because you don’t know a porn star is absurd. But race does play a part in the way we look at the world and the way we form our sexual desires, just like all the other external influences in our lives. To think otherwise would be naive. Opening up our minds to other experiences gives us a chance to try being with people we might not have considered otherwise. If we actually started looking at people first as people, then as all the other adjectives, we might have a lot more fun. A lesson we all could benefit from.

Oh and really?!? How could you have the discussion of Black porn stars and forget the man who may be the biggest Black star ever, Matthew Rush. He became Falcon’s first Black lifetime exclusive and grew from actor/model to director.

Just my wandering 2 cents. Someone will disagree. I hope they will call in and put their 2 cents in too.

p.s. I agree with the caller about the Weegie mold. Just sayin’. ; )